Skeleton Without a Soul

I tried to speak the words

but you talked over me.

I tried to share my truth

but you called it a lie.

I tried to become what you needed

but it was never enough.

Because enough was never a possibility.

You say you care.

You say I matter.

But when it’s time to show up,

when it’s time to be there for me,

your words collapse

into silence.

When time matters you are the keeper of the clock without hands.

I am invisible to you

Floating on the tears of my own silence

When you need something.

You remember me

when you’re broken,

when you’re empty,

when you need a soft place to land.

And I gave it.

Over and over and over…

until I was empty too.

Because giving without receiving is soul depleting….

I begged you for help,

and you tossed me scraps

like I was a stray dog with fleas at your table.

I said I needed you.

You said, “Of course.”

But of course meant never.

They say actions speak louder than words.

Yours whispered nothing but lies and silence,

and that silence was action-less

And ripped through me

like broken shards of glass.

My tears didn’t move you.

My pain was too inconvenient.

My voice too loud.

My needs too much.

So I started to disappear

Not to punish you,

but to protect me.

Because I started to see…

I only mattered

when I stayed hidden,

silent,

sick enough to not fight back...

You made me feel guilty for resting,

selfish for healing,

dramatic for saying no,

ungrateful for needing care.

But what’s selfish

about trying to survive?

Trying to feel loved

by the selfish

is a fool’s game.

You don’t want the real me.

You want the version of me

that costs me my soul.

So no.

I’m not doing it anymore.

And I am done being invisible

just so you can be comfortable.

Don’t say you love me

if your actions don’t show it.

Don’t say I matter

when it only matters if I’m easy to use.

If my boundaries offend you,

you never really loved for me.

If my truth makes you uncomfortable,

that speaks louder than any words I could say.

Words without action

are as hollow as a skeleton

without a soul.

Love with out a soul is where hope goes to die.